Is it easy for you to push people out of your life but difficult to welcome them in? Do have a revolving door of friends, close for a couple of years then out the door the next year? Are you concerned that any of your friends will “stab you in the back” with information you have given them? If you answered yes to any of these questions you may have a TRUST issue(s).
This is an indication of holding onto past hurts and pains. Many times our trust issues come from people who we had a lot of expectation for but due to circumstances failed to deliver on the expectation that we had for them. Its unfortunate that we experience heart break or hardship but it is apart of life. What makes the difference is how we deal with the issue.
If we harbor it and hold on to it making radical generalizations like “this is why I don’t have friends they all do this” or “I’m just going to keep to myself because this cannot happen again” or “I’m going to be my own best friend at least I won’t fail me”; these statements create walls around our hearts hindering our ability to let anyone in. The walls don’t stop at just friendships they extend out to romantic relationships, spiritual relationships and even business relationships. Your entire ability to trust eventually becomes paralyzed. This doesn’t help you in your ability to prosper, grow and increase the way God has intended for you.
Let’s look at David and his complicated “bro-mance” (guy friendship) with Jonathan. David is a good example of someone who didn’t hold onto hurts. When his best friends dad (Saul) who also happened to be the king he was working for was trying to kill him it would have made TOTAL sense to disconnect from his best friend Jonathan. Saul had chased David all around the backside of the country trying to end his life. The bible doesn’t say anything about Jonathan talking to his father to calm down and spare David’s life. Yet the bible does say that Jonathan kept in touch with David and vice versa. Nonetheless David didn’t end his [destiny] friendship with Jonathan. David had tapped into something in the spirit (hence his convictions) and knew that Jonathan was more than a friend that was a destiny link and even if his father was coming against him he would not disengage with someone that God connected him with.
Nowadays we are so quick to leave our church, push people out, disconnect or not even connect with people in the first place. I believe that most don’t want to because it’ll be easier for them to disengage “just in case something goes wrong”.
That’s not how God works nor does He view relationships in that manner. Although there are some relationships that are solely seasonal but most are not like that. Healthy relationships sharpen us, make us better, help us make sound decisions, create opportunists for one another, keep emotionally sound, create moments if happiness and lasting memories, comfort us, provide moral support and so much more!
If you feel like you have trust issues use the following strategies to get you up, out and befriending:
- Memorize & meditate on scriptures that deal with friendships/relationships
Proverbs 18:24 A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
Psalm 51:10 God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Proverbs 13:20 Become wise by walking with the wise: hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.
- Use daily confessions & declarations
I decree and declare that I am worthy of healthy, long lasting, life changing relationships with others.
I decree and declare that every wound in my heart has been sealed and healed by the healing balm of Gilead. My heart is receptive to make friends and be a good friend.
I decree and declare that my life is full of meaningful, positive, and healthy relationships and I am all the better for them!
Forgive each and every person that betrayed your trust, that abused or misused your love. Give them the benefit of the doubt and move on. Speak out loud their name and say “__________ I forgive you for the hurt you caused me. I release you and now I am made free.” Mean it from your heart and watch the beautiful things that happen.